I snuck out of bed the next morning. I didn't even feel like dealing with Chris at all! I was still very frustrated with him. I got ready quickly and figured I would stop at the coffee shop before the store opened. "Baby?" I heard Chris say as I was opening the front door to leave. I sighed. I felt like crying. I wasn't in the mood to talk to him. He walked out to the living room. He looked at the clock as I closed the door. I set down my purse. "It's 6am." He said. "I was gonna grab some breakfast somewhere." I said. "I'm sorry." He said. "I just. . ." I didn't say anything. I sat down on the couch and layed back. He sat down next to me. He sighed. "I don't know what to say." I said. "Honesty is so important to me in a relationship." "You weren't honest with me." He said. "I know." I said. "Exactly. It's not going to work if we are both doing things that we don't even feel comfortable telling eachother." "Is there more you aren't telling me?" He asked. I just shrugged. "Did you cheat on me?" He asked. "No! Gosh no!" I said offended. "Okay, okay. I'm sorry. You're just really scaring me right now." He said. "I guess I just have bad thoughts sometimes." I admited. "Well, it's not a big deal unless you follow through with them right?" He said. I shook my head. "No. It is a big deal. I would not be okay with you thinking of kissing other girls or hooking up with them." I said. "It shouldn't even cross your mind." "Okay. Whoa." He said. "Who the hell are you thinking of fucking around with?" I shrugged. "I don't know." "Yes you do." He said. "I kind of got a slight urge to spend the night with Brody last night." I said. He started to look upset. "Not to sleep with him or anything." I said. "Just to hang out for the night. Then I felt like I shouldn't even want to spend a night with any guys but you. Plus, I really really wanted to see you at the same time." "I don't get it." He said. "You just basically told me you get the urge to fuck around with other guys. Now you're telling me you wanted to spend a night with Brody and not fuck around with him." I sighed. "I don't know what I'm saying." I said. "Let me ask you this." He said. "Since we have been a couple, who have you had the urge to fuck around with?" "Lukas." I admited. "What? I thought he was a jerk." He said. "It was kind of my fault." I said. "He wasn't a jerk until I was a bitch to him." He sighed. "So you're attracted to Lukas. . . is it something I need to worry about? I don't give a shit if you're flirting with him at work or whatever. I just want to know that I can trust you. Know that that is all it will ever be." He said. He sounded so hurt and I felt horrible. "I had a chance to take it further and I didn't take it." I said. "I still don't get why you'd like him." He said. "He's REALLY hot." I said. He laughed. "I get that, but looks aren't everything." "I know. I hardly even know him." I said. "Baby, I think we're okay." He said. "Let's just be honest with eachother for now on." I smiled and nodded. "I don't expect you to never be attracted to anyone but me." He said. "I know." He gave me a kiss. "Have fun at work." I smiled. I was still just as worried as I was before we talked, but I tried not to think about it. I got up and grabbed my purse. I turned to him as I opened the door. "I love you." I said. "Love you." He said. I smiled and left.
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I snuck out of bed the next morning. I didn't even feel like dealing with Chris at all! I was still very frustrated with him. I got ready quickly and figured I would stop at the coffee shop before the store opened.
"Baby?" I heard Chris say as I was opening the front door to leave.
I sighed. I felt like crying. I wasn't in the mood to talk to him. He walked out to the living room. He looked at the clock as I closed the door. I set down my purse.
"It's 6am." He said.
"I was gonna grab some breakfast somewhere." I said.
"I'm sorry." He said. "I just. . ."
I didn't say anything. I sat down on the couch and layed back. He sat down next to me. He sighed.
"I don't know what to say." I said. "Honesty is so important to me in a relationship."
"You weren't honest with me." He said.
"I know." I said. "Exactly. It's not going to work if we are both doing things that we don't even feel comfortable telling eachother."
"Is there more you aren't telling me?" He asked.
I just shrugged.
"Did you cheat on me?" He asked.
"No! Gosh no!" I said offended.
"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. You're just really scaring me right now." He said.
"I guess I just have bad thoughts sometimes." I admited.
"Well, it's not a big deal unless you follow through with them right?" He said.
I shook my head. "No. It is a big deal. I would not be okay with you thinking of kissing other girls or hooking up with them." I said. "It shouldn't even cross your mind."
"Okay. Whoa." He said. "Who the hell are you thinking of fucking around with?"
I shrugged. "I don't know."
"Yes you do." He said.
"I kind of got a slight urge to spend the night with Brody last night." I said.
He started to look upset.
"Not to sleep with him or anything." I said. "Just to hang out for the night. Then I felt like I shouldn't even want to spend a night with any guys but you. Plus, I really really wanted to see you at the same time."
"I don't get it." He said. "You just basically told me you get the urge to fuck around with other guys. Now you're telling me you wanted to spend a night with Brody and not fuck around with him."
I sighed. "I don't know what I'm saying." I said.
"Let me ask you this." He said. "Since we have been a couple, who have you had the urge to fuck around with?"
"Lukas." I admited.
"What? I thought he was a jerk." He said.
"It was kind of my fault." I said. "He wasn't a jerk until I was a bitch to him."
He sighed. "So you're attracted to Lukas. . . is it something I need to worry about? I don't give a shit if you're flirting with him at work or whatever. I just want to know that I can trust you. Know that that is all it will ever be." He said. He sounded so hurt and I felt horrible.
"I had a chance to take it further and I didn't take it." I said.
"I still don't get why you'd like him." He said.
"He's REALLY hot." I said.
He laughed. "I get that, but looks aren't everything."
"I know. I hardly even know him." I said.
"Baby, I think we're okay." He said. "Let's just be honest with eachother for now on."
I smiled and nodded.
"I don't expect you to never be attracted to anyone but me." He said.
"I know."
He gave me a kiss. "Have fun at work."
I smiled. I was still just as worried as I was before we talked, but I tried not to think about it. I got up and grabbed my purse. I turned to him as I opened the door.
"I love you." I said.
"Love you." He said.
I smiled and left.
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