"Blair! Where the hell have you been?" Chris asked. His eyes were all swollen. Like he hadn't slept. "Out." I said. "Blair!" He shouted at me as I walked back to my room. He followed me, and walked in without knocking. I was changing. "Blair, this HAS to stop right NOW. You have no idea what you are getting into!" He said. "Maybe I do." I said, turning around, and looking at him. I realzied I was just in my panties, but I didn't care. Chris didn't seem to notice either. "If you do, then why are you doing it?" He asked. "Becuase it's something different. I don't hate myself right now damn it!" I shouted. "What? What do you mean you don't hate yourself? You did before?" He asked. "Yes." I said, crying. I was coming to the realization for the first time. "Why?" He asked. "I don't know." I said. He grabbed a t-shirt from my clean laundry basket and put it on me, then hugged me. It was an old one from highschool. "Go cougers." He said, and I smiled. "Blair, look at yourself. Turn around and look at yourself in the mirror." He said. I did. I looked horrible! I tured away, but he turned me back. "You are making things worse for yourself." He said. I shook my head no. "FUCK! Stop being so stubborn! You remember me? Right? When we first met? I was a fucking mess! Do you want that?" He asked. "I wont be that." I told him. "I'm gonna kill Rob." He said. I turned around and pushed him. "Don't fucking say that! I made him give me them!" I said. "He shouldn't have." He said. "SHUT UP!" I screamed at him. He looked like I had slapped him instead. "Fine. We'll talk in the morning." He said, and left. "Wait! I'm sorry!" I said, running out. "We'll talk in the morning." He said from his room. I tried to goin, but the door was locked. "Chris! Please!" I said, crying. "Morning Blair." He said. He sounded so angry. I hit the door really hard and then went back to my room. I layed back down in bed, but I couldn't sleep. I called Rob. I didn't care what he said. "Blair, I told you-" "I don't want motherfucking drugs rob!" I said. "Okay. Sorry." He said. "Chris wont talk to me. I yelled at him and made him mad." I said. "I'm sorry." He said. "Why is it such a big deal? I don't understand." I said. "You havn't seen the down sides." He told me. "But you can do it with no downsides." I told him. "That was a fucking lie, I lied to myself like that for too long." He said. "What do you mean?" I asked. "I hid that part of my life from everyone I cared about. I did it because I knew it was messing me up, and I knew that I couldn't stop if I wanted too. I just told myself that." He said. "But, with me- it was amazing." I said. "It was. And I feel like an ass for showing you any of this. For giving you anything." He said. I started crying again. "Blair. I'm going to be gone for a few weeks." He said. "Why? Where?" I asked. "I need to quit. I need to stop." He said. "Where are you going?" I asked, crying even harder. "Away. Rehab. I'm not telling you where." He said. "But I need you." I told him. "No, you don't. You don't need me, and you don't need drugs. You are strong Blair. You have Chris and Brody. Well, Chris anyway." He said. "No." I said. "I'll be back, I promise. Just a more sober version of me." He said. "Please." I said agian. "Blair, you hardly even know me. You don't know the horrible side of me." He said. I didn't say anything. "I've got to go. I'm taking a cab there right now. I can't wait...if I do I wont go. "Okay." I said. "Bye. Be very careful." He said. "K. You too. Bye." I said, and hung up. I ran to Chris' room and pounded on the door for at least five minutes, and he opened it. "WHAT?" He snapped. "I'm so sorry." I said. "We can talk in the morning. When we are both clear headed." He said. "I called Rob." I told him. "So." He said. "He's checking into rehab or something. Right now." I told him. "Good for him." He said. "DAMNIT CHRIS! I need you right now! I'm fucking scared." I said. "Of what?" He asked. "I DON'T KNOW! That is what is so scary. I don't fucking know." I said. He put his arms around me, and lead me to his bed. I was careful not to bump his arms.We climbed in, and he held me. I realized I was afraid that everyone was right. Because all I kept thinking about was doing more drugs. I wanted to try other things, but not without Rob. I didn't tell Chris. He seemed to relax a lot now that I was with him. I didn't want to freak him out again. Chris fell asleep first. I layed there listening to him breath. I drifted off a while later.
1 comment:
"Blair! Where the hell have you been?" Chris asked. His eyes were all swollen. Like he hadn't slept.
"Out." I said.
"Blair!" He shouted at me as I walked back to my room. He followed me, and walked in without knocking. I was changing.
"Blair, this HAS to stop right NOW. You have no idea what you are getting into!" He said.
"Maybe I do." I said, turning around, and looking at him. I realzied I was just in my panties, but I didn't care. Chris didn't seem to notice either.
"If you do, then why are you doing it?" He asked.
"Becuase it's something different. I don't hate myself right now damn it!" I shouted.
"What? What do you mean you don't hate yourself? You did before?" He asked.
"Yes." I said, crying. I was coming to the realization for the first time.
"Why?" He asked.
"I don't know." I said. He grabbed a t-shirt from my clean laundry basket and put it on me, then hugged me. It was an old one from highschool.
"Go cougers." He said, and I smiled.
"Blair, look at yourself. Turn around and look at yourself in the mirror." He said. I did. I looked horrible! I tured away, but he turned me back.
"You are making things worse for yourself." He said. I shook my head no.
"FUCK! Stop being so stubborn! You remember me? Right? When we first met? I was a fucking mess! Do you want that?" He asked.
"I wont be that." I told him.
"I'm gonna kill Rob." He said. I turned around and pushed him.
"Don't fucking say that! I made him give me them!" I said.
"He shouldn't have." He said.
"SHUT UP!" I screamed at him. He looked like I had slapped him instead.
"Fine. We'll talk in the morning." He said, and left.
"Wait! I'm sorry!" I said, running out.
"We'll talk in the morning." He said from his room. I tried to goin, but the door was locked.
"Chris! Please!" I said, crying.
"Morning Blair." He said. He sounded so angry. I hit the door really hard and then went back to my room. I layed back down in bed, but I couldn't sleep. I called Rob. I didn't care what he said.
"Blair, I told you-"
"I don't want motherfucking drugs rob!" I said.
"Okay. Sorry." He said.
"Chris wont talk to me. I yelled at him and made him mad." I said.
"I'm sorry." He said.
"Why is it such a big deal? I don't understand." I said.
"You havn't seen the down sides." He told me.
"But you can do it with no downsides." I told him.
"That was a fucking lie, I lied to myself like that for too long." He said.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I hid that part of my life from everyone I cared about. I did it because I knew it was messing me up, and I knew that I couldn't stop if I wanted too. I just told myself that." He said.
"But, with me- it was amazing." I said.
"It was. And I feel like an ass for showing you any of this. For giving you anything." He said.
I started crying again.
"Blair. I'm going to be gone for a few weeks." He said.
"Why? Where?" I asked.
"I need to quit. I need to stop." He said.
"Where are you going?" I asked, crying even harder.
"Away. Rehab. I'm not telling you where." He said.
"But I need you." I told him.
"No, you don't. You don't need me, and you don't need drugs. You are strong Blair. You have Chris and Brody. Well, Chris anyway." He said.
"No." I said.
"I'll be back, I promise. Just a more sober version of me." He said.
"Please." I said agian.
"Blair, you hardly even know me. You don't know the horrible side of me." He said. I didn't say anything.
"I've got to go. I'm taking a cab there right now. I can't wait...if I do I wont go.
"Okay." I said.
"Bye. Be very careful." He said.
"K. You too. Bye." I said, and hung up. I ran to Chris' room and pounded on the door for at least five minutes, and he opened it.
"WHAT?" He snapped.
"I'm so sorry." I said.
"We can talk in the morning. When we are both clear headed." He said.
"I called Rob." I told him.
"So." He said.
"He's checking into rehab or something. Right now." I told him.
"Good for him." He said.
"DAMNIT CHRIS! I need you right now! I'm fucking scared." I said.
"Of what?" He asked.
"I DON'T KNOW! That is what is so scary. I don't fucking know." I said. He put his arms around me, and lead me to his bed. I was careful not to bump his arms.We climbed in, and he held me. I realized I was afraid that everyone was right. Because all I kept thinking about was doing more drugs. I wanted to try other things, but not without Rob. I didn't tell Chris. He seemed to relax a lot now that I was with him. I didn't want to freak him out again. Chris fell asleep first. I layed there listening to him breath. I drifted off a while later.
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