"I think we should talk." Chris said when we got home. "Tomorrow." I said, and yawned. "Tonight. Please?" he asked. "Chris, I'm tired, and I want to think." I told him. "If we talk tomorrow I'll be sober, and I'll go right back to pretending everything is fine." He said. I started to object, but changed my mind and pointed to the couch. He sat down on one end, and I sat down on the other, cross legged and facing him. "Whats on your mind?" I asked him. He took a deep breath, then paused. "Chris, whatever it is, just spit it out." I told him. "I love you." He said, and held his hands in the air, like it was obvious. "I want to be with you. And I don't mean like we have been. I mean seriously. I care about you, and I've never felt this way about a woman before." He said. He turned his head and looked at the wall. Like he was trying not to cry. "Chris. I'm a mess right now." I said. "I can help you Blair. I can make your life less of a mess. I've had enough experience with my shit life. I could take care of you." He said. "I know. You already do. But, god. I don't even know who I am right now! I don't know what I want, what I'm suposed to be doing. I don't know anything." I told him. "I need you right now Blair." He said. "What?" I asked, looking up at him. "You make me happy. You. Nothing else. I feel depressed again, but not when I'm around you. Even if we are fighting." He said, and smiled. "What if I mess things up?" I asked. "You wont." He said. "I mess everything else up. What if I mess things up with you?" I asked him. "Blair, you are too hard on yourself. You never let life happen. Please give me a chance to show how different, and how much better, life with me would be." He said. He was looking at me, eyes pleading. I felt my eyes tear up. "Blair. Please." He said again. I stood up. "I need to think." I said, and started to walk back towards my room. He reached up and grabbed my arm to stop me. Then he stood up, and looked into my eyes. "Blair. You mean everything to me. I'm sorry if I freaked you out tonight. I guess I kept that to myself for too long. Good night." He said, and kissed my forhead. I started to really cry. He tried to hug me, but I pushed him away, and ran to my room, shutting the door behind me. I curled up in bed and cried. All I could think about was how much shit was going on in my life. Did I really want to drag Chris into it all? Yes. I thought. But I was afraid. I was afraid I still had feelings for Brody, and that I would mess everything up with Chris. When I thought about it, I did have feelings for Chris, and it that is what was so horrifying. "Fuck." I said out loud. I wanted to talk to someone for some advice. Or at least to just straighten things out in my head. I grabbed my phone and scrolled through the names. I had no idea who to call.
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"I think we should talk." Chris said when we got home.
"Tomorrow." I said, and yawned.
"Tonight. Please?" he asked.
"Chris, I'm tired, and I want to think." I told him.
"If we talk tomorrow I'll be sober, and I'll go right back to pretending everything is fine." He said. I started to object, but changed my mind and pointed to the couch. He sat down on one end, and I sat down on the other, cross legged and facing him.
"Whats on your mind?" I asked him. He took a deep breath, then paused.
"Chris, whatever it is, just spit it out." I told him.
"I love you." He said, and held his hands in the air, like it was obvious. "I want to be with you. And I don't mean like we have been. I mean seriously. I care about you, and I've never felt this way about a woman before." He said. He turned his head and looked at the wall. Like he was trying not to cry.
"Chris. I'm a mess right now." I said.
"I can help you Blair. I can make your life less of a mess. I've had enough experience with my shit life. I could take care of you." He said.
"I know. You already do. But, god. I don't even know who I am right now! I don't know what I want, what I'm suposed to be doing. I don't know anything." I told him.
"I need you right now Blair." He said.
"What?" I asked, looking up at him.
"You make me happy. You. Nothing else. I feel depressed again, but not when I'm around you. Even if we are fighting." He said, and smiled.
"What if I mess things up?" I asked.
"You wont." He said.
"I mess everything else up. What if I mess things up with you?" I asked him.
"Blair, you are too hard on yourself. You never let life happen. Please give me a chance to show how different, and how much better, life with me would be." He said. He was looking at me, eyes pleading. I felt my eyes tear up.
"Blair. Please." He said again. I stood up.
"I need to think." I said, and started to walk back towards my room. He reached up and grabbed my arm to stop me. Then he stood up, and looked into my eyes.
"Blair. You mean everything to me. I'm sorry if I freaked you out tonight. I guess I kept that to myself for too long. Good night." He said, and kissed my forhead. I started to really cry. He tried to hug me, but I pushed him away, and ran to my room, shutting the door behind me. I curled up in bed and cried. All I could think about was how much shit was going on in my life. Did I really want to drag Chris into it all?
Yes. I thought. But I was afraid. I was afraid I still had feelings for Brody, and that I would mess everything up with Chris. When I thought about it, I did have feelings for Chris, and it that is what was so horrifying.
"Fuck." I said out loud. I wanted to talk to someone for some advice. Or at least to just straighten things out in my head. I grabbed my phone and scrolled through the names. I had no idea who to call.
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